“What kind of a society do you want to give your daughters and grand daughters? One in which she is denied the simple pleasure of being able to take a walk on the street in the cool evening breeze after dinner just because she is a “girl” and it is not safe for her to be out after dusk, or one in which she has the freedom to enjoy every right she is entitled to because she is a human being?” This was the question I wanted to ask the old gentleman -some high profile lawyere(I can’t recall his name) who had been invited as one of the panelists in the “We the people” - a show hosted by Barkha Dutt on NDTV a few years back. I was a part of the audience. The topic of discussion was the murder of Nitish Kataria and the follow up.On the show were also invited the parents of Sabrina Lal. The question sprung in my mind as a result of the comment that this gentleman had made that is was Sabrina’s mistake as she being a woman should not have been at the bar serving drinks.
Along with outrage I felt pity – profoundly for the gentleman and then for us .The gentleman managed to earn my sympathy along with my consternation as despite the status and success that he had achieved he had not been able to shed the shackles of the old and dogmatic perspective about women’s place in the society. For us I pitied our plight because we cherished people with such retrogressive viewpoints as.
The point that I want to draw attention to is the reason behind the increasing rate of violence and crime against women. I had read at some place -“It is the society that reminds a woman that she is a woman”. But who is the society? It’s me and you. So where has the degradation of women come from? Obviously it’s come from me and you. Because in almost all the incidents of violence against a woman a man is involved we put all the blame on men. However I think it’s we women who have a large portion of the blame to shoulder. It is we as mothers and mothers –in – law who are doing a lot of damage. Since a child is closest to its mother a mother plays a very important role in shaping its personality. In how many households does a mother ask her son to take turns with the daughter to make the beds or wash the dishes? How many times have you seen your mother, aunt or your friend’s mother ask her son and not the daughter to make tea for the guests? What’s the harm in making our boys self dependent men in the real sense of the word instead of giving them a bloated sense of pride in their gender? Unless we women ourselves treat each other with respect how can we expect our boys to do so once they grow up?
Though I have been lucky that my parents have never expected to do something that my brother could not deliver there is an incident that deeply saddened me as it happened in my family. A certain sister – in-law of mine was expecting. I heard my aunt –the grandmom to be praying that the child were a boy. This was the same aunt who had never conformed to the stereotype of the “Indian woman”,one who always spoke her mind and opposed what she thought was wrong. When I expressed my disapproval of her wish she asked what if my brother ever fell ill and a doctor had to be called in the middle of the night? One could send the child to get help only if it were a boy and not a girl. She was right. But this brings me back to the same thoughts with which I had started this discussion. What are we doing to make this place safer and better for our women? I just asked my aunt that instead of praying for a son everytime there was an impending childbirth in the family how many times had she either by her words or actions helped her sons understand how to treat a woman? True, her sons are my cousins but I wouldn’t be crestfallen if I came to know that my brother or a male cousin misbehaved with a woman!
All so much about the mothers, now let us come to the mothers-in-law, constantly inciting the son to ask the daughter-in-law to get more dowry, constantly harassing her to beget a grandson, castigating her on the birth of a girlchild, even encouraging female foeticide. Men kill men for power, money and fame. Why are we women against each other making life miserable for one another and going to the extent of terminating it close to its conception? I haven’t come across any act more devoid of any reason or logic.
As I have said that the role of degrading the plight of women lies MAINLY and NOT SOLELY with them now let us see what the menfolk-our better halves can do? Just because their mothers did not teach them does not mean that they have been deprived of the wisdom that every human being is supposed to have by virtue of being born a Homo sapien. Secondly if only a son sees his father respecting the women in his family does the son imbibe the same values. Again in our patriarchal society the mother will be able to deliver her role as just discussed if only her authority is not snubbed by the father.
So wake up both you men and women and do your bit to be the worthy of the highest rung of hierarchy in the animal kingdom. Remember it is our wisdom that has given us a place out of the jungle. Otherwise according to creation we are all animals!